take me on a harley

crossed lines

2007-01-28T18:20:00.000+08:00

i wrote this one day in class when it was extraordinarily cold.

it's worrying 'cause i'm too cold
'cause i feel i'm slowly growing old
and there are still stories i havent told
would i ever be so bold?
before the words turn into gold.
useless, shining mould.
it's been long since the open-eyed kiss
now lying in the wreckage after bliss
it's not much- at least you gave me this
but i'll return it- if you insist.
it's sadistic how i want it to remain
the glorious sadness and the pain
and i want to fall in love again.
i think i did- or maybe it's a lie
to deceive myself so i dont cry
but everytime he doesnt reply
it's as if i'm going to die
and no one's telling me why
it seems like a strange thing to do
i'm falling to pieces to get me through
i want to cry in front of you too
it's a shame if i fall in love with you
-
I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for you
If you go, if you go
Leaving me here on my own
Well I wait for you

Who am i to dream, dreams are for fools, they let you down

2007-01-13T10:00:00.000+08:00

had high fever and some weird gastric flu yesterday. basically i felt like throwing up but i didnt have anything to throw up and to cure i had to eat something but then i'll really throw up. Hence i spent the day in bed with a plastic bag. Being emetophobic is tiresome.
You ask if i'm feeling better, but the answer is always no.
So there was one time when i was sitting in the canteen crying cos i was petrified of vomitting, amongst other reasons, and lains almost cried too. cos she was scared i would throw up? that had to be it. How can i begin to describe how thankful i am that elaina foo is here with me? In my sickness and health, in good times and in bad literally- and we go through almost the same stages at the same time. So basically we can be delirously happy, unmoralistic and emo together. i love you laina.
and i can finally explain it. I think you used to love me on some days, some minutes of some days. but what you dont understand is that i love you EVERYDAY, every second.
Sometimes I feel so full of love, it just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see, I give it away so easily
But if I had someone, I would do anything
Never never never let you feel alone
I won't, I won't leave you on your own
Who am I to dream? Dreams are for fools
They let you down

Well I know that it's a wonderful world, but I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well, but I just wanna cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world, from the sky down to the sea
But I can only see when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me
Maybe just a little letter
Oh it could start again

something's telling me i'm in too deep

2007-01-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

ORIENTATION IS ENDING TMR.

no more waking up at ungodly hours, running around like mad dog, cheering like mad cow and constantly having water and sand in my ass.

YES.
And i have holiday homework and NEW homework to complete in one day. Fantastic. Okay have to go collapse on my room floor. Its become a tradition. Oh and my class, t27, is damn cute.
"t27, we how cold?
DAMN COLD!!!"
Oh and i'm so getting over you. I'll fucking force myself to. Please watch me.
I can't sit back and wonder why
It took so long for this to die
And I hate it when you fake it
You can't hide it you might as well embrace it
So believe me it's not easy
It seems that something's telling me
I'm in too deep and I'm trying to keep
All the thoughts in my head
Instead of going under

and i wonder why you left

2007-01-02T13:02:00.000+08:00

happy new year.
i foresee my disappearance soon. i cant keep up this habitual blogging.
but i've just made a new discovery: sometimes people would rather be depressed.(after discussion with bel) when you're happy, the days pass in a blur, and now that i look back (to when i had both/at least one of them)
i can barely remember anything.
but now that i'm relatively alone, and i spend my mornings in bed repeating depressing songs on my family's ipod, time slows down and i actually think and sort out my thoughts and feelings. would it be stupid if i chose this over you?
i dont know which 'you' already.
but of course(if only you absolutely want to), i would rather have you back.

Everytime I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I wonder why you left

and you cant see when all your dreams arent coming true

2006-12-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

to lele: thanks for christmas morning. love you!
to jason: thanks for the christmas party! even though you were a seh host. and we were seh guests. later on.
to bel and jan: thanks for helping me eat the meat and not the plants. haha maybe i like the both of you. so bel, stop trying to use jan to make me jealous (:
to petpet!: you didnt come in the end! but i hope you had fun on christmas- tell you stuffs later.
to jas and laina: thanks for staying with me in the toilet. i am emetophobic and generally messed up. your presence calmed me.

sometimes you really need your friends, and somehow you do all sorts of shit to them for things that just arent worth it. but in the end when you're down and almost out, you see the same faces helping you back on your feet. can i say one last sorry.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
And I wished for things that I dont need(all I wanted)
And what I chased wont set me free(all I wanted)
And I get scared but Im not crawlin on my knees

Oh, yeah Everythings all wrong, yeah
Everythings all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I dont feel
Im killing myself from the inside out
And now my heads been filled with doubt
Were taught to lead the life you choose(all I wanted)
You know your loves run out on you(all I wanted)
And you cant see when all your dreams arent coming true

Oh, yeah Its easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And Im not sure where I belong
And no wheres home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldnt be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

as the canyon comes between

2006-12-18T14:54:00.000+08:00

i'm back! [okay i belatedly realised that i forgot to mention i was going anywhere but, oh wells]

so i went to bintan. for ONE day. and it RAINED.

but in the few moments that it didnt, i managed to nearly kill myself a couple of times.

1) have you heard of banana boating. basically, you get dragged along by a lifeboat with a jet and you're sitting on this banana/hotdog thing. and you nearly fall off and die, because the objective of this ride [and they dont tell you this] is to throw you into the sea. i nearly drowned because i was too shocked to swim, i nearly choked to death cos i drank more saltwater then i drink normal water in a week, and my contacts tried to kill me too.
2) then my cousins started "riding waves". means stand in the water and let the waves push you later. during high tide so sometimes i fall down and cant stand up and nearly drown for a few seconds.
3) and i did archery. but this time the arrows were sharper and i was more dangerous with the bow [meaning i have no strength to pull it and i may hit instead my extended family or the instructor trying to guide me. he was trying.]
4) oh and it was a golf resort so each villa has a golf buggy. that was like our car. so everyone drives around in that. and the adults let us drive. thats how i nearly died the fourth time.
5) and lastly the fucking ferry. it started out like a rollercoaster. then it basically rocked to and fro and side to side. for the short span of one hour. where everyone around us puked. i plaintively REFUSED to puke as i am emetophobic [fear of vommiting] and hence i was still sea sick on land.
i played our new song on repeat but it couldnt calm me. guess my stomach knew what was coming in the later phonecall. i think you hurt me everyday.
but all in all i had fun. i love my famolee. CHRISTMAS EVE! cant wait.

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime she's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

it's always have and never hold

2006-12-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

sometimes you're sobbing your heart out, do you suddenly stop and wonder what you were crying about? you begin to suspect you're only depressed about the idea of being depressed- i'm glad for the end of that almost childish, mindless phrase. i'm thankful for the tranquility in this newfound numbness. you're back- in every sense of the word.

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh, be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh, be my baby
I'll look after you

and its curious how cool people are idolised, when upon scrutiny they are dorks at heart, pernerds in bed and professors in the making. you write your thesis, darling, and i'll plan my fashion spread. one day we'll be famous. and you'll still be my everything- for all the things you do for me.

Here now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

would you help me understand

2006-12-14T12:57:00.000+08:00

I lied.

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..

straws and scores

2006-12-13T13:12:00.000+08:00

almost three years ago, i found two people. through the strangest of ways.

almost three years later, they are still beside me, drinking some blackcurrent thing through ONE straw so me and the cool one can fold black pastamania straw hearts, and the cute one is fretting over the scores of the next year SYF set piece.

thank you jan and le. for always being there to save me when i'm a mess [which is most of the time] and i'll always be there for you both too. promise.

I hope you find whatever you've been lookin' for.
Just remember where you're from and who you are,
'Cause there's a thousand lights that'll make you feel brand new,
But if you ever lose your way, I'll leave one on for you.

'Cause I'm the one that loves you lately.
You and me, we got this great thing.

out of my head and blind

2006-12-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

the lights are growing dim
fading on her and him
and i see how they're like we
are. only they cant and we can be

just this way for a little more
you were my everything before
now once again its you i wanna see
but you want the football score.

i hope you dont want more than me.

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
it was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
so quiet but i finally woke up
if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

dont try to run from the past

2006-12-09T17:05:00.000+08:00

i shall talk about yesterday today since i talked about the day before the day before on the day before, didnt say anything yesterday and i think i'll talk about today tomorrow.

-beams psychotically-

yesterday hansel and i argued about the meaning of life and superheroes- do you know that it is theoretically possible to create superheroes, if science reaches a more advanced stage. then :/ WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR SCIENTISTS. i want superheroes. i think everyone wants to be saved. thats why hansel is my spiderman (: he's very.. crawley and spidery. and my superhero persona to him is "retardo-woman", so he says, with my powers to infect people with my retardedness. very funny hansel.

before that i met chenlelele. (: lele, one day we'll get beat up i swear. we keep staring at people, then we look away NOT SMILING- thats called 'diaoing' people LEH. HAHA. its your shortform name, leh. so incredibly cute. yes we are amusing- i'll remember the "wheelock door incident" everytime i go wheelock, and then my friends will be wondering why i'm smiling to myself almost derangedly. but only you know. (: [if i tried to explain it, everyone will be like HUH. whats funny. but sometimes you have to be there to get it. either that or be as lame as we are]
p.s. leheng, stop turning back to look at people cos they're BLACK IN COLOUR. what if people keep looking at me cos i'm brown in colour!? haiya.

before that, i had council. with two other people (melia lee and julius, who were both unwell) only. can you believe everyone else (fromthe programme committee) is away. Crazy right. Then i went with melia and ek to talk to MR tan jek suan. He suggested putting dead cockroaches in one game where you have to reach into dark disgusting liquid/paste to take out red beans. and he wasnt being sarcastic. OHs. if i take out a dead cockroach instead of red bean, i will faint on the floor. he responded with "station a peremedic nearby la". thank you mr tan.

and before that. i exchanged clothes with deon! not the clothes we were wearing, our other clothes, so we have more clothes! thanks dear. okay. i'm going bintan soon. and the other councillers should be coming back soon. and i'm going out soon. okay. LELE. CALL ME BACK. >:/ soon. okay.

dont try to run
away from here
i'm much happier
when you are near

only we know

2006-12-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

i am proud to announce that i am now vegetarian.
i ONLY want vegetables. i only want to EAT vegetables ;] i keep thinking about vegetables. -heaves a small sigh.

ooh look a piece of flying meat.
[must be airpork]

lele. i KNEW you'd be looking for white words. (:

now i'm craving yami yoghurt.you know the scotts branch said they were moving- so i started buying like mad. everyday. but.. they're still there. maybe this is a way to cheat people's money. in that case- good marketing gimmick.

lele (: caught you again. stop looking for the white words la.

now let me tell you the theory of unwanted wanted goods. these type of special goods- when you want it you can NEVER have it. and when you dont want it/not looking for it, you may accidently get to try it for awhile. the all-time favourite question: how do i order these goods? the trick is you cant (: to order above-mentioned good:
step one- do not want it
step two- then maybe you'll get it
*terms and conditions apply.

LELE. i say STOP.

i know. you must be thinking. GOOD GOD. what the f-

this is for lele- maybe she wont read it. thats a chance i'll take. but i love her. this is proof, how she tries to find my SECRET(but notsosecret) thoughts [cos she cares and doesnt only pretend to]- and i love her. i had to stop talking to her on the phone just to tell her this. chen leheng, lets not bother about other people's unwelcome surprises and hurtful disguises- what we have is real. real beneath all the shopping(compulsive buying more like), strolling down orchard, numerous conversations.
i think its called friendship.

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know.

feeling alone

2006-12-06T18:07:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.
to my fellow ex schoolmate: did i hurt you? i'm sorry. i took so long to realise, so long that now you've gotten yourself over it. you're okay. but now i'm not. now its irrelevant to you. is it? i'm crying everyday. but its retribution- i deserve it. i finally know now. but i'm really.. sorry.
to my once bestfriend: i told you everything within minutes of knowing you, until that something which i couldnt tell you anything about. i'm sorry i was angry with you. i thought you wanted to hurt me. andnow you know how i hurt you. can i press the restart button and tell you everything again? i'm sorry. i should be the bitch that everyone talks about.
i dont know what.. how to say i guess.
i'm sorry.

feeling alone
with you by my side
further and further away
funny how long
a moment can seem when you're trying to hold on

you going for flow?

2006-12-06T15:33:00.000+08:00

i wont remember today in the days to come.

cos yesterday was FLOW, and the next day is a sort of hazy transition- as we slowly reintegrate ourselves back to our mundane lives

funny/nice/shocking/irritating things that happened
the bouncer not believing that my ic is my ic -rolls my eyes-
saw loser!
that skinny gay guy who won the nokia phone [by 'flirting' with paul]
turning around to find MANDY smiling and waving to me [cuzzie you look happy (:]
finding the 'secret' SMOOVE room: which plays.. queer music eg techno 'you are my sunshine'
seeing darien cut his birthday cake in the club
chen lele! and her friends who came (:
trying to squeeze into the cage
eating[salty things!]and drinking with hansel, jiahui and louis by the river
hansel hoisting me and jiahui up to the platform thing in our skirts. that stupid feeling of flying
through the air leaves you kneeling down in shock for awhile.
louis mixing the drinks around when we were all abit..
finally dancing in a self defined spot in the smoove room. jiahui saying "i love this song!" ten
times
the two of us girls dancing- trying to dance to techno or TRANCE [as jase defines it]
going home at four. thirty.something. [3hours late]
getting grounded. [this hasn't actually happened yet but i'm psychic]
me putting my contacts into two chilli saucers cos i couldnt exactly go into my mom's room at
five in the morning.

ohs wells.it was fun in the end. thanks winson.
and only leheng knows who i wanted to dance with.

what can i do to make you mine
falling so hard so fast this time
what did i say, what did you do
how did i fall in love with you

people would envy ants in your underwear

2006-12-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

there are ants on my com table.

i think there's some sort of nest.
i've killed some; need to kill the rest.
you would know how to kill them best.
see. i keep bringing up your name.
here- please take away all the blame,
without you its.. i'm not the same.
omg- i remember! ANTS.
once you envied ants in my pants
i would have given you a chance.
oh my f- these ants wont DIE
and i really dont know why
i'm feeling sick about the way i cry
why cant i seem to say goodbye.

look to the past and remember a smile
and maybe tonight i can breathe for awhile
i'm not in the scene i think i'm falling asleep
but then all that it means is i'll always be dreaming of you.

crawl back into your open arms

2006-12-04T19:47:00.000+08:00

i wrote a haiku.
its especially for you!
except dont know who.

that WAS the haiku, for those who didnt realise.

A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so

until you're a memory

2006-12-04T19:13:00.000+08:00

bought a banana [from action city] for my "monkey"! (: among other things. until you pay me back you can be my TOYBOY. hahah its a queer concept- i'm someone's sugar mummy. -beams a constipated smile-

my monkey thinks i'm a sloth (too). Cause i just sit there. And i dont do much. Someone used to call me a sloth once cause i sleep too much, but i'm too skinny to be a pig.

oh well i keep remembering things, but i didnt feel sad at all today. (: apart from this strange familiar moment when i walked past the istana and i remembered something from before: about a barefoot "terrorist". but i may have dreamed it.

I'll classify every word out of your lips
As a lie until you're lying
Beneath the dirt and the soil
Hailed as the king of deceivers and cheats
..

Until you're a memory.

no one ever said it would be this hard

2006-12-03T15:10:00.000+08:00

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
And tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start.

further elaboration

2006-12-03T14:41:00.000+08:00

okay there's something wrong with that previous post. It sounds deranged. So thats the alright part. its too.. breezy. Like a happy deranged. Thats an oxymoron and a contradiction. That was what i USED to be..

so this shall be more accurate hopefully-

i'm a mess nowadays. i've developed this habit of asking people to wake me up; and when they do i only go back to sleep. thank you to all those who tried; i need to wake up soon. like now preferably. but maybe this is so i would understand what i indirectly did to HER. i wish i could say sorry but its months too late. and now i can only be a hypocrite.

i miss you so much.

i'll try to be strong
believe me; i'm trying to move on
it's complicated but understand me
cause i need time

still addicted to you

2006-12-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

recently.
i fell in love again.

my new love, obsession and full-time addiction is..
YAMI YOGHURT. (:

but its expensive so i cant have it all the time. somehow that doesnt stop me from eating it everyday. i tried to stop and go into rehab once [meaning my friends esp bel use physical force to steer me away from scotts] but it didnt work of course. now i go there in secret (: sit at MY table and i've developed a WAY to eat it even. i'll teach you if you ask me ;)

strange how addictions start.
you just start to like it (accidently sometimes) and then before you know it: ADDICTED.
and then you cant get enough of it, and when you cant have it at all you only want it more.
now i'm having WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS. tianz.

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
Still addic- I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get to you
Do you think I deserve this
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to treat you good in every way

I'm tryin' to forget
But I'm addicted to you
But I wanted and I needed
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never
Want to do this again
Heartbreaker Heartbreaker Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

stressed for the best

2006-08-17T17:43:00.000+08:00

i realise i am an occasional, habitual blogger. My passion for blogging dies after awhile and is revived on closer date to examinations.

so you can infer that exams are soon.

falling away with you

2006-07-10T16:50:00.000+08:00

today is a still horrible day because:
my head still hurts
my homework is still not done
chen lele is still not back from london ):
i still have not slept on hansel's comfortable bed

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing
I wish to hold you close and pray
watching our fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

and I'll feel my world crumbling down
feel my life crumbling now
feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching our flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find

slide away

2006-07-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

Slide away - and give it all you've got
My today - fell in from the top
I dream of you - and all the things you say
I wonder where you are now

Hold me down - all the world's asleep
I need you now - you've knocked me off my feet
I dream of you - we talk of growing old
But you said please don't

SLIDE IN BABY- TOGETHER WE"LL FLY
I've tried praying - and I know just what you're saying to me

Now that you're mine
I'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one that shines with you
In the morning when you don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done

Let me be the one that shines with you
And we can slide away.

[i don't normally fancy oasis, but there are always exceptions.]

to all the times in my life when people seem to slide in and slide out
and here i am desperately trying to hold onto them

I WANNA SLIDE AWAY WITH YOU.

just my luck

2006-07-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

after all the trauma of the night, its nice to wake up to a new day-
my dear i hope you're okay :/

do you believe in luck? (: I DO.

but sadly i'm the unlucky one- the one the lift door always closes on, who misses the train everytime.. you get the picture. i don't know why but somehow i don't believe KISSING someone who's always lucky will switch my luck. i have NO IDEA why on earth i feel this way.
unless its 'cause i know i'll always kiss the person an even number of times- so the luck is always returned..

just a thought.

i got all this crap from watching just my luck by the way.
this fat girl in front [with her fat boyfriend who was leaning back and squashing my legs]SCOLDED me for talking so much- i feel sort of depressed, and its not 'cause of her telling me to keep quiet.. that's a natural reaction i tend to induce from people.

you know how much human values and world perceptions have deteriorated when you find yourself recognising you are in the wrong- but all the while feeling a gross sense of self-righteousness and justification.. just because the person in the right is ugly and fat.

yesterday is not today

2006-07-01T12:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday..

i spent the morning and afternoon with XUAN and KIMMIE ((:
taking photos and videos, eating and running around doing rubbish.

i spent the night [sounds wrong, i mean like from 7 to 11 night] with HANSEL.
this time eating and drinking (: and walking around rather aimlessly.

also went to LAINA's house earlier to deliver her birthday board. unfortunately she lives in tanah merah so i was still traveling aimlessly-ish.

and LELE went away today ): she's gone to london and she's NEVER coming back. 12 days feels like never without our 'miss-calling' each other..

i love love love ALL my besties.

TODAY, however..

i have to go for this syf thingy because of council from 2 TO 8.30..

reverting to escapism

2006-06-29T09:18:00.000+08:00

mid years are
OVER OVER OVER

unfortunately, so will my life be when we get our papers back.
[i can't even pass ne please. do i look like i know ANYTHING about elections or the world cup??]

here's some tips for those of you poor darlings who are still suffering in torment:
for GP: try not to be distracted by bees
for HISTORY: try not to take history
for LITERATURE: it helps to bring the right text for open-text examinations
for CHINESE: do not study.. or you will regret it.
for ECONS: MUG. don't simply read your notes or you'll find that you have actually studied NOTHING.
for MATHEMATICS: try to do enough questions to actually pass the paper
for NE: you have to do your best not to hyperventilate. because you're thinking, "wtf. how does ANYONE know this??" then suddenly everything becomes incredibly funny.
for PHYSICS: ..oh who am i even trying to kid? (:

if you are a lit student [or if you simply posess logic], you should be able to infer how badly i'm going to do for mid years.

second best

2006-06-25T13:25:00.000+08:00

from the tender age of three
i learnt that it wasn't good enough
to simply just be me

i'd never known biasness before
but it was so OBVIOUS she loved her more
every morning she'd fix her hair
she'd dress her pretty; call her sweet
sneak her delightful treats to eat
and in a corner, i'd stand and stare..
and though in school for EVERY SINGLE test
i would always beat the rest
it was clear now that i was second best

then finally came the day
my pride and glory faded away
oh the pain, oh the shame!
now they no longer knew my name
i had nothing left to say
for it was clearly seen -alas-
i was now second best in class

and when i opened up my world
and finally resembled a girl
i still had it rough-
i was never pretty enough
as the people surrounding me
roxy girls- they shine, they glow
dressed to kill and fair as snow
i pale in comparison miserably
and though less significant, still like before,
i was second best once more
oh being second best is SUCH a chore

but now it's different and it's 'cause you're here
you make these troubles disappear
like a ray of sunshine through the rain
and i grow to quell the fear
of past rejection and forgotten pain
you're wonderful- it's infectious
you're seriously one of a kind
and i'm "perfect" in your mind
[you must be blissfully blind]
yet things are always too good to be true
i think i may possibly see through you
and just like ALL the rest before-
there's someone else you still like more

and the brave smile on my face
the lightness of voice slightly out of place
shows how desperately i try to hide
this strangeness i feel inside
just like the test,
just like the REST,
AGAIN i'm fucking second best-

or am i?

i guess i love calling you-

2006-06-21T19:37:00.000+08:00

i hate waking up early in the morning
i love waking up if its for you (:
i hate studying
i love it when you explain things to me
i hate dentists
i love chen leheng!! [who looks lots like her mom]
i hate being poor during gss
i love walking in orchard with you
WITH A SMILE AND A BOUNCE IN MY STEP (:

people. stop looking for white words..

You take away the old, show me the new
I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you

having fun is being naughty

2006-06-19T19:19:00.000+08:00

today was fun considering i stayed at home the WHOLE day.
pretending to study is super fun (:
watching people study is even funner-

but what is the super funnest is doing things behind people's backs, without their knowledge (:
-oh the fun you can have when you're on the phone ((((:

follow through

2006-06-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

why do people post song lyrics??

not like the people reading are gonna sing along or sth
not like they are obsessed with you/your taste in music and want to rip you of your songs or sth, melissa
not like they ALWAYS know the song
not like they know what it means- to you
not like they CARE-

so here are some song lyrics peeps! [can you all tell i'm vee bored]

-Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean?
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet
So, since you want to be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
You to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
Oh you have to follow-
These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I'm holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart-

all lies taste like vomit-

2006-06-16T23:46:00.000+08:00

do you know my laughing and crying is the same?
but laughing one moment and crying the next suggests emotional imbalance-

there is that possibility that i may be deranged. Either that or i'm just drunk (:

but more alarming then when truth becomes lies, wrong becomes right and reality no different from a dream is when you realise.. you couldn't give a happy flying fuck.

What you should never say when you kiss someone for the first time: WE DIE.

And if you couldn't stop laughing then, can't stop laughing now.. its best to continue laughing to yourself. Laughter is the best medicine when you've got strange incurable diseases-

oh and i do blame you. you lovely adorable bastard (:

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

the hardest thing

2006-06-12T22:01:00.000+08:00

the hardest thing for a selfish man is to give away his most treasured possession to someone less deserving.

the hardest thing for a man upset is when he has to pretend to be happy.

the hardest thing for a hard man [hard as in cold-hearted, you horny people] is to open up to someone for the first time. [if you are still thinking the wrong way i cant help you]

is the hardest thing IMPOSSIBLE?
NO.

the hardest thing for me is to change my blog pic [myself. without aid from my sister] :)

as ye olde wise ones say.. "when the it-illiterate can master html, you can do anything you fucking want"

-except study for mid-years it seems-

wishes don't come true

2006-06-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

off to camp (: :/ ): :?

to my group: do we even know what is gifts and givers??

everything shall wait till i get back. which is like next week. everything meaning studying of course. oh who am i kidding i mean SHOPPING :)
i have to have to go with lele, wen, my sister and deon! haha thanks for lending me your phone (: [ we must find our dresses!]

wishlist
another dress
another shirt
another off-shoulder top
another pair of heels
another skirt

no matter what just DON"T BUY ME A HANDPHONE BATTERY. Even though i'm winning the bet and SHE totally likes you. Ahh i miss you already ): you won't miss me cos you'll have HER and it's like TOTALLY THE SAME -pfft- but there's no one like you really. you are rare and unique and special and every bit as lovely as my other pretty bestfriends (:

going crazy

2006-06-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

okay i have gone mad. like truly hoohoo. here's why. [ some of the reasons only. mad people are not coherent in thinking]

i'm doing my homework at the last minute. when i say last minute i mean like in one minute i'm going to have to leave my house to go ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL to hand it up. cos its the ultimate deadline for late work :/ and of course i haven't finished please.
i have not bought jack's present!! [ jack i have come to the conclusion that you are perfect and you do not need nor want anything. how is this even humanly possible?!]
i've obviously got LOADS to do in the next hour or so and i'm still blogging
i'm blogging ( my blog is supposed to be an abandoned, derelict place. with no forms of life except for ol' friends coming to lament on my hopelessness.)
i have obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to hansel cao [surprised i finallyy said your name out in the open? so now if you type your name in search engines my blog will come up (:] why is he not like my other bestfriends, other than the obvious reasons of not being pretty and lovely?
when i discovered that it was an unhealthy obsession to call someone four times a day, i called him -bangs head on keyboard- and i told him "eh i think i might be obsessed with you." eh i think i'm mad. no one does that. [which makes me a TREND-SETTER (:]
the fact that i can link it to trendsetting is mad-
thanks to this stupid post i'm now super late for jack's party [ i hate blogging. however, cant deny that its strangely therapeutic]
i coincidently have not STARTED studying for mid-years and there's no time when i'll be gone for the whole of next week for ltc and elects camp
all i can think about is how i'm not going to have any form of communication with him for five ENTIRE days. [ you see i need to constantly remind him of how he is irritating. like its an everyday must.]

okay whew i'm not mad. clearly i've gone insane.

clearly obsessions are unhealthy for mind, body and soul and the best most effective method of combatting them is eradication. (which would totally explain why we're meeting later for supper)

clearly if i continue this ridiculous post i'll reach jack's house when the party's over.

in life we have to learn that enough is enough-

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK. thanks for standing up for me when they "bully" me. i won't let them "bully" you too (:

i hate you but i love you

can't stop thinkin of you

it's true..

i'm stuck on you.

sing me a song

2006-05-30T19:31:00.000+08:00

went for n and ac choir concerts. you guys did a good job. miss lim! :(

guess a part of me will always remain a choir girl-

list of "extraordinary" things that happened over the past few days:

1. my darling girlfriend TOOK TEN YEARS to come out and get her cookie lolly from me and betty boobs. (wait, this always happens. how is it extraordinary?)
2. i saw jack! :) at choir concerts my one track mind teaches me only to expect, well, choir people. [JACK!! WHAT D'YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?!!]
3. cheryl sim's lead in her acapella group. Oh my god she is EXTRAORDINARY.
4. i could have totally stolen this guess handbag from robinsons. it had no price tag or barcode. but i actually PAID for it.
4. lele in her batic choir u. the extraordinary thing is she looked like an air stewardess, which would mean she looked graceful and poised.
5. lele getting a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS :) okay lor.. chen leheng.
6. 7-11 CLOSED. xiang, jan and i were gesturing madly to the 7-11 guy inside to open the door. SORRY. did you know that 7-11 is only open from 7 to eleven? [ then why is it called a 24-hr store?!]
7. reaches home at midnight for two consecutive days and my mom has not said anything. just waiting for it though.
8. stock taking for estee lauder at ban teck han building. had to literally climb the storage shelves to count stock and now i'm forever counting in threes. (realised that if we fell from the rungs we would not be able to take mid-years and promos. as a result, continued to climb even higher)
9.xuan prancing in the middle of the road outside the building like her grandfather owns it. being her usual extraordinary self, she continued to do so despite nearly getting knocked down several times.
10. a conversation about miss lim! and v. [ patricia i hope you grow to be happy and find a cca thats second-best to choir :) ]

okay that's all. just in case you're interested: it you're impotent you should totally pierce you "lalang" :) lalala.

love hate

2006-05-27T11:46:00.000+08:00

URGH. I hate gp.

Its the kind of relationship where you actually love the person but because the person doesn't love you back so you end up hating the person. So i would love you, gp, if you like expressed some form of affection in reciprocation. Fuck I keep just passing can?

oh but the paper yesterday was funny. between paper one and two there was like a five minute break. for us to walk outside and stand outside the classrooom. then walk back in after five minutes. obviously we have noticed the school's penchant for making us do retarded things. anyway everyone was like looking down at the courtyard and there were increasing murmurs of "beehive! beehive!" then lester finally enlightened a stoning me.

lester: eh there's a beehive on the flagpole.
stoning me: hah. where? -scans the pole for beehive-
lester: there.. on top of the flagpole.
searching for for beehive me: where?

OH MY GOD there was this HUGE BEEHIVE JUST SITTING ON TOP OF THE FLAGPOLE like nobody's business?!
-fucking bees swarming around..-

i think the beehive seriously affected me cos after that i couldn't do paper 2. so mr pang um.. it's the bees' fault. (:

p.s. NO ONE goes swimming at twelve noon dumdum. urgh this reminds me of bimin and "mummum". and you are not shy please. far from it darling (: you seriously dont need to swim to have sex. i'll fuck you now (: and im only half joking. but you already know that. haha secrets secrets secrets (:

dream dream dream

2006-05-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

was supposed to study for gp and do lit today..

but i went window shopping :)

was supposed to study for gp and do lit when i got home...

but now i'm blogging.

PLEASE SLAP ME I NEED TO WAKE UP.
( and i mean real slap)

oh my darling

2006-05-24T23:17:00.000+08:00

wow two consecutive posts in two consecutive days. good job, me :)

today was the last day of school. in the past, last day of school means orchard :) slacking and hibernation. however, now it means library, EXERCISING ( failing napfa for the fourth time is really not ideal. i know. i'm a loser and i should just die. thanks YOU are such an encouragement) studying for mid-years ( failing mid-years would mean no shoes!) oh MY GOD.
thanks, school :) what a WONDERFUL idea to put mid-years AFTER the holidays. that way we can just all have a fun relaxing time. just looking forward to coming back on the last friday and SATURDAY of the holidays for exams now :)

sadistic arent we?
-this is true evil-

and this may make no sense but here's my horoscope for today
aquarius
are you keeping some deep and very important feelings hidden? that makes things difficult, especially it they deal with things of a romantic nature. it's time to get it all out in the open. this problem might be non-existent.

its scary how i overreact sometimes-

anyway to end this confusing, no-link post just wanted to tell you all how DARLING and me went for movie (da vinci code) and then ate subway :) he paid for dinner so i walked him home. Arent i sweet? i love you DARLS <3

[MY GOD. dont you just hate people who do that. fucking disgusting freaks, like No LIFE?!?]

p.s. and please i'm just proving a point. YOU are not my darling. I am not obsessed and PLEASE. sever all ties with me :) just you WATCH IT AH.
p.p.s ( or is it p.s.s.?) haha sorry i was late again. shall try my bestest to make my time more inelastic :) and i love you too. even if you aren't my darling.

you slut

2006-05-24T00:42:00.000+08:00

fuck fuck fuck.

you fucking lied
I hate you

... I don't know.

okay what a horrible meaningless post after more than a year(literally)
on the bright side you know i'm alive (:
and to top of this upsetting confusing day i'm doing pw research as how all bad days end.

cheerios people

ps. stop telling to go and die, you stupid prick. don't you know its rude. GO AND DIE. I HATE YOU. but what is the point? you already know i love you.

dont tell me cause it hurts -

Falling and I'm not getting up

2005-04-16T17:32:00.000+08:00

Why did you die?
I'm dying without you.
Now she's all alone
You left her on her own
I bet she's crying too

regrets, rebirth and reminiscing

2005-04-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

Ok. I have neither abandoned my blog nor fell into a coma nor died.
Loads of stuff happened in these past two years that I've been gone. Mainly syf. Loads of pracs and loads of expections and now its all over. Feels kinda weird. And numb. Like I dont know what to feel coz I feel to many things. Happiness, relief, sadness, regret, anger, frustration. Wish we could do it again. But you dont get to go back and change time and do things the right way. Or I'll be getting full marks for all my tests. And all the choirs would be getting gold with honours. Which means that the f**king school with the f**king girl who cursed us and the f**king members who distracted us and the f**king person who kept on COUGHING throughout our performance would have honours too. So some things are just not meant to be. Not ours.
Went marche after syf. Met Xiang. :) She is still sane after all these years. Unlike us. Starting loads of clubs. MFOSC. BSC. In case you've forgotten its 'make fun of shermin club' and 'bully shermin club'. :) I shall take this chance as one of the founders to make a public announcement to ho shermin. Just wanna tell her how obviously important and significant she is to us, or there wouldnt be these clubs anyway. And just wanna say how much we love our weird, funny baby. :)
Had loads of fun laughing in class today. From the 'peacock' incident to the thumbdrive on the tin foof to miss fazi telling us bout her jc life. Dunno what I'll do when I leave st nicks and everything. We already had so many 'lasts'. Last CCA fair, last investiture, last syf. Soon it'll be the last sec1 orientation, last performance, last choir prac, last farewell, last day, last lesson, last minute. wish I could go back to sec1 and start all over again.
Ok i've wrote a lot. Going to disappear for a few more years. And I didnt get to watch my purple hair gangster today. So sadd. I was bathing. So stupid can? I shall not bathe anymore. Im sure I'll still smell great. Hmmhmm. Bubye.

no one told me I was going to find you

2005-02-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

Can't believe I'm 16. Like my sister said, "I'm like senior citizen!"
10 feb- happy birthday to my girlfriend. May she grow prettier with each coming year. ( Coz she's very ugly now. No lah. She'll always be pretty. But even though prettier means more guys liking her, don't worry about me, folks. I can handle competition. I know I'm handsome. I won't deny it.)
23 feb- happy birthday to chen leheng. Wishing her Whale loads of Wholeness and happiness. may her Wildest, most Wonderful dreams come true.

exchanging the truth for a lie

2005-01-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

Whose eyes am I behind?
I don't recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design?
I don't want this to be the way that you see me

I don't understand anything anymore
And this web that I'm tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up to get to your storey
It's anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me
It's fine
And when I come to the rescue
I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need
Where's mine?
'Cause you're what I need so badly
But I'm anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine?
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one, look what you've done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke, you're just a kid
You weren't ready for what you did, no . . .

And when the world is on its knees with me
It's fine
And when I come to the rescue
I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need
Where's mine?
'Cause you're what I need so badly
But I'm anything but ordinary

I think I'm trying to save the world for you
You've been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other
I'm anything but ordinary
I'm anything but ordinary

grey-skyed mornings

2005-01-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

Argh. I LOVE this song. Ok. I can't stand being sec4. Ok. I have nothing to say. Will blog in a few months time or when something exciting happens.

Can somebody expain to me?

2004-12-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps. So I changed my blog pic. Well. Actually. My sis changed it. I'm hopeless at this html shit. So yeah. And I changed my music. Haha I think Nelly and Christina are so cute in the 'Tilt Ya Head Back' video. And I can't wait for 'Mr and Mrs Smith'!!! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!!! I heard that they are "romantically linked", and that brad pitt and jennifer anniston are having problems. Oh well can't blame her. I'd have problems too if my husband was with someone else. Sighh brad pitt is just too handsome. [shrugs] And school is f**king starting. I have to wake up at 7 again. I'm supposed to be unconscious at the time lor!! Haven't done any homework. Oh well. But I'm kind of looking forward to seeing everyone again. Can't believe I'm gonna be 16. Can't believe I'm taking O's. Oh well. Just have to concentrate on the good things. NC16 movies. NC16 movies. Okay that's it. Later.

harder and harder to breathe

2004-12-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Ok. I have resurrected from the dead. Haha of course lotsa things happened. But basically I'm now living a spiritless, meaningless existance, coz ren wo ao you is over, the O.C is ending and there is no more singapore idol, even though TAUFIK WON!!!! Haha chuwen is damn pissed and now she has developed this plan where we wait at some cafe for sylvester to show up. Anyway there are so many movies I wanna watch and I don't have enough time or money. First there is national treasure and BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY 2 and OCEAN'S TWELVE!!!! Haha there's George clooney, brad pitt. matt damon, julia roberts and catherine zeta jones all in one one show!! Can anything be more perfect?

Went to char's house on her birthday to sleepover. We watched 13 going on 30 and this korean show halfway coz it was too late and she won't tell me the ending. Oh well and I thnk I left my toothbrush in her house.

Performed at Jurong shipyard for the opening of some oil rig or oil ridge. So damn stupid can? We were like wearing our hideous choir u and makeup and all the construction workers were smiling at us like we were some prostitutes. DISGUSTIN. And then there was the "food incident" of course. Haha we're really a bunch of pigs. And I still remember chen leheng's face when she heard it was buffet.

and so sad huizhen and quan leaving! Sighh stupid IP programme first it took away Xiang and now huizhen and quan.. Why can't they just LEAVE US ALONE LOR?! DIAM AH!!

Ok I've written a lot. Now I'm going to disappear for another hundred years. So long peeps.

big fake smiles and stupid lies

2004-11-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

5 interesting things that I just found out today(could be nice and excitin or just plain weird) :
1. Ryan and marissa got back together on O.C !!!!! ( Okay. This sort of happened yesterday, but its still counted) I kept smilin at the TV and my sister. I think she thinks I'm mad.
2.Cassurina (hope I spelt it correctly) sells very nice and huge prata. I also found out that Ong siyun says everything wrongly and hears everything wrongly, Chen leheng suggests everything thats wrong and Ho Shermin doesn't dare to do anything.
3. We eat like the world is ending. Really. We ordered 9 drinks, 11 huge pratas, 2 plates of like rice with chicken and numerous plates of curry between 6 of us. The stall owners and the other customers were giving us alarmed looks.
4.'Untitled' is the nicest song ever!!!!! Those who haven't bought Simple Plan's newest cd, you must get it!!!!! Then immediately listen to song 11 and then call me and tell me about it!!!!! If you can't buy it, remember buyin is not the only way. Try stealin. Or borrowin and never returnin.
5. I was quite sad when leandra got out. Like olinda couldn't stop cryin. And its just... sad.
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies.. when deep inside your bleedin..

Man, I feel like a woman...

2004-11-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

Aaaaaarrrggh!!!!!!!! I'm so blinkin happy!!!!!!!!!!!! Wanna know why? Okay. Here are my top ten reasons...
1. Chinese O's are completely over!!!! Like even if I flunk it and get kicked to normal tech, I'll still never have to take it again.
2. There are a lot of cute guys in normal tech, so if I go there, it won't be a total loss.
3.I love my blog now after my dear sis did it for me.
4.It has my favourite song in the whole wide world in it!
5.It also has ryan and marissa from O.C, who are my two favourite people in the whole wide world.
6. I opened the Life! section of the newspapers and guess who I saw? The cast of O.C!!
7. By reading the article, I found out that benjamin mckenzie and mischa barton (who play ryan and marissa in O.C) actually dated in real life, which is totally FANTASTIC!!! They're not going out anymore, but who cares?
8. Seth and Summer are finally a couple in the O.C! Though I've read spoilers that say that they would break up very soon, again I'll say, who cares?
9. Adam brody and rachel bilson (who play Seth and Summer in O.C) are not only dating in real life, but they're gettin ENGAGED!!!
10. In the 9 o'clock chinese show, ivan jackson (the coach) is finally startin to like jingwen, which is just PERFECT!!
Sighhh, what more can I say? My life is perfect.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

2004-10-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

Haha. Back again. I realised that when it's holidays I don't blog. And when it's nearing an exam I start blogging like crazy. What's wrong with me? Anyway, I haven't started studying yet. And chinese o'levels is in five days. I know. I'm dead. But there are just too many nice movies and shows. It's not MY fault. Sighh. Can't wait for Singapore Idol and O.C.

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that takes my breath away
And I breathe you, into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
Cause I love you, whether its wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

know my heart is by your side

2004-10-25T15:12:00.000+08:00

Okay. This is a new record. I'm blogging less than a month after the previous post. So good right? Anyway, I just have to say that I'm crazy bout daniel bedingfield's If You're Not The One. I love it . A LOT. If you were with me at all today you would know. Haha Jess let me listen to it over and over again on her discman (Thanks jess!) and I cried when I heard it. Joking. I mean like, how can I cry, man? After all, I am "Taufit", right? But no, I really cried.

And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with...

I hope I love you all my life.

I don't want to run away

2004-10-23T17:12:00.000+08:00

Hey. I have like disappeared for like a month? Ok. What's new... SINGAPORE IDOL!!!!! Haha. I'm like obsessed with the couples. You know, Taufik and Leandra, Christopher and Daphne, Sylvester and Maia! I think yesterday when Gurmit said "Is Sylvester with Maia?" he like fell off the couch. Coz when the camera flashed to him he was gettin back on the couch. Sighh but its quite sad. Maia's gone. And I'm so angry lor!!! Olinda like grabbed Taufik's hand and then Leandra grabbed her hand and not Taufik's. Then she's like standin in between them like some lightbulb. OMG!!! It's just like how Ho SherMin sometimes stands in between me and chuwen! And we're all exactly in our roles! Except Olinda looks a bit like a lightbulb and SherMin will never ever remotely resemble one in her whole life. And chen leheng's quite clumsy!!! So she will fall off the chair like Sylvester. Ha. Haha. And jan is kinda like Maia coz she's small and she sings well and she's sexy. Except she doesn't have tatoos and she definitely doesn't have a baby.

And Chinese O'Levels are comin up!!!! And I'm going to Bangkok to shop!!! Okay its not related but yah. Ok. Going to eat something now.

catch her every time she falls

2004-09-29T16:45:00.000+08:00

Ok.Exams are in two days!!! Excited!! Can't wait. I think exams (especially end-of-years) are just so fun. You are being forced to study even if you don't want to, which is just great! And you cannot go out, which is soo fun! (At this point, if you do not know that I'm being sarcastic, you have been studying too much.)

Ok. One more day to eoys. I think I shall start studying... today. That is, if my bed stops looking so comfortable.

Poem about exams

You don't know what has hit you
But suddenly you feel very stressed.
And there's no time eat and shit,
No time to even rest.

And everyone is studying.
Only you're the odd one out.
But you don't want to study!
There's nothing you can do but shout.

Oh what should I do now?
Exams are in two days!
Maybe I should just pray to God.
He works in mysterious ways...

Hmm.. should I start studying?
Maybe at my books I should peep.
But then my bed looks so comfortable...
Maybe I'll just go to sleep.

Tried so hard to say goodbye

2004-09-28T16:19:00.000+08:00

Sighh. What a sad rainy day. Raindrops KEEP droppin on my head as I walk home. How relaxing and nice! Later don't need to wash hair already. Exams are in 2 days!!!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to die! As usual, I'm fully prepared. I've bought pen refills and pencil lead. That's all. I haven't studied anything but it's alright!! Just pack my pencil case can already.

Brought beoni to school today.He has kissed many people's cheeks.Now I can use the cheek cells on his face to do some experiments.And we just found out we have to do job shadowing in the holidays.What a great way to spend free time! Me and leheng are going to be magazine editors. Since leheng doesn't like writing, I will write and leheng can paste pictures! I think jia xin wants to join us too.We can interview yanhan and louisa, who will be sweeping shuttlecocks at badminton courts.Can't wait.

And this song is stuck in my head. Since there's nothing I can do about it, I will write it down.

Everytime I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin too
I'm all about loving you.

Running on empty

2004-09-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

Haha. I love this song. That I am about to post. Becomin like le who posts lyrics on her blog. Oh well. Ok. This goes out to jan and le who I'm gonna see tomorrow and think about tonight. And to my sister who's helping me type. I suck at typing.

'cause lately something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life,
without you I am breaking down
wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time

I'm leavin on a jet plane

2004-08-27T22:43:00.000+08:00

Hey people!!! I'm alive!!! Sorry. I didn't blog for so long. Must have thought I was dead or something. Hmm. Loads of interestin things happened recently. Omg I just have to tell you!!! I... eh. Wait. I forgot what I was going to say. Oh well. Nvm. I realise I do this all the time. I go "Oi I wanna tell you something!"... And then I forget what I'm gonna say. Oops.

Anyway. The Swim Shadys came to perform. So rubbish lor. I mean they were quite ok. But it's just that I don't go for these kinda things. Really lor. It's like the whole time I was wonderin what I was doing there. Yupp. And the red shirt guy is a bit... weird looking. And the lead vocalist is a bit irritatin. He keeps tryin to be cool by like TRYIN to dance. Notice the word 'tryin'. Really lor. He keeps jerkin around like a dyin fish. And okay. I have to agree with Ong Si Yun. Mark Chay is quite ahem cute. Their songs are really cool. My sweetie will agree with me. Her favourite song is "I've got a cut on my finger and it hurts like hell. Can you help me?..." So cool, right?

And then I went to Ang Mo Kio Library. And there was this interestin children performance where there's this girl and boy arguin bout their new sibling. And the girl goes "I want a SEES-ter. BRA-thers are smelly". And the boy goes "But I want a BRA-ther." And then the girl goes "But what if it's a SEES-ter?" and the boy goes "But what if it's a BRA-ther?". so amusing. and my girlfriend was in the library but I didn't see her. Just like those shows when the guy and girl are in the same place and they don't meet. And Girlfriend also met our other friend at the library. Her name is atsh. Weird name. Hmm. Ok. I shall now amuse myself by blogging like those irritatin neighbourhood school girls.

Haiz. Nuttinks ta do worhz. Ais yohz. Whats you are doings, Koh Yiz and Nicolekz? Must be tokin of me ritez? Haiz. Whats can I says? I'm so nice nehx. Hoohoo. Heres I goes. Laughing agains. Hoohoohoohoohoohoo. Okayx. Dun toks ta u lerx. Babye.

Ok. This proves I am an extremely bored person.

Cross my heart and hope to die

2004-08-05T20:18:00.000+08:00

Had racial harmony celebrations taday. Was damn freaked out about our skit. Coz I can't speak with an Indian accent. And I'm supposed to be this Indian woman. Whatever. But it was ok lar. Not as bad as we expected. Hmms. Then we toured other classes. Saw ching, jia, cherie, lix and mich. (in order of appearance). Yupp.

Then we got re-auditioned in choir. Can tell Miss Lim and the Sec 4s quite exasperated with us. But then we are quite exasperating. GAARR!!!! *rolls around laughin* Omg. I just amuse myself. Ok nvm just ignore me. So yeah. Loads of things happened today in choir. Chiobu's now in Alto 2, though Miss Lim says that she has to train for Sop1. Whatever that means. haha. So now she's been in all 4 sections. And Bethia Soh is in Sop1!!! hahaha. And she was so cute today. Coz it's like she ran out of the room and I ran after her and when she saw me she started cryin. And she didn't really know why she was cryin so... yeah. Bethia Soh's just weird. Then she stopped cryin and we were talkin and then YiEn and Wanjing came out and she started cryin again. And she was sort of smilin and cryin at the same time. Whatever Bethia Soh. Then she stopped cryin. And then Beatrice came out and she was like "Oi, bethia... " and then Bethia Soh started runnin away!!! Coz she gonna start cryin again. Haha. She's soo cute. Luv u beth. And then sher, wen, le and su came out to see her and she went to hide. haha. So cute.

Got loads of nice peeps in our section now. ChuWen, my darlin girlfriend who I will always love. Le, who I will always have a lesbian crush on. HanBin, luv u sweetie. CHERIE!!! Who's sort of becomin my illegitimate daughter or son in my heart though she refuses to be illegitimate. And Gillian and Serene. My 2 cute sec1 juniors. And BeeHim's so upset that she's going sop1. Haha. Keep makin fun of her but I wish she was still in Sop2. Oh yah!! And LingJing went Alto2. So sad.

Oh well. Have to do my ton of homework now. No fair. Everyone else seems to have no homework. Jan, hope you get better. Missed you lots *times infinity. Haha. I win. And le , hope ur throat stops hurtin.

Crushed under HUGE rocks

2004-08-04T22:28:00.000+08:00

Yawnn. So tired. Have to sleep soon or I'll be dead to the world tomorrow. I can't wake up nowadays. I wake up at 7am. Hmm. Could that be why I'm always late?Anyway, racial harmony tomorrow. Gonna wear a sari. Which means my stomach will be exposed. Sighh. So malu can?And I'm actin as an Indian woman for our skit. I have to say my lines in an Indian accent. WHich I can't imitate properly. So I'm just going to throw my face away on stage tomorrow. Whatever lar.

Had tuition with le just now. She so damn lame and spastic. That's why I love her. Haha. And she's a princess in her skit. Haha. And she keeps askin me how to giggle. Whatever le. Jan's sick. She's not comin tomorrow. Get well soon darlin. Haha. Cute lil' ragdoll.

Ok. Not gonna say anything else. I've got 6 math problems, like uncountable chem questions and a whole ss essay. And it's almost eleven. Yupp. Hate my life.

Broken into little pieces.

2004-07-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

They announced the com today. There's just no other word for it. I was... shocked. No. Cancel that. More like APALLED. I mean sorry lar. No offense to some people, who really deserve to be in com, coz they will really do well and like benefit choir. But some people.. oh my god. Can die man. One has like no personality. I mean seriously. Girlfriend will understand. I mean she reminds me of a brick. A brick with hair and a pinafore. And the other one is like... I can't even remember her doing anything to benefit choir. Really lor. But can't be, right? Ok. Shush. Let me try to think. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Nope. Still nothin. Ok. Enough said. Some congratulating to do here.

To Ong Si Yun: Wah. Somebody president sia. Haha. Now I can call you Prez, Chiobu and Patricia Mok. So wide variety.
To Chen leheng: Hey chen. Knew you could do it. Luv you retarded bisexual.
To Goh ChuWen: Hey girlfriend!!!! So happy for you! Wah. My girlfriend so capable.
To Jean Toh: hey mei mei!! congratulations!! haha. guess only you can do our father proud.
To Gen, Huizhen and Cherie: Congrats sec 2s!!! Luv you!!!

You know when you want something, and you try not to want it and you wonder why you're trying not to want it, and then you realise it's because you want it so much. And then you don't get it. It's like being knocked down by a bus. That's why I'm glad that it happened to me and not somebody else, coz being hit by a bus is horrible. It hurts more than you can imagine. ( Unless you've been hit by a bus.) And then you feel numb inside, and you think you're dreaming. And then you realise you'll never wake up. Sighh.

sighs and regrets

2004-07-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

Sighh. We got scolded today. For being mean to HER. Whatever lor. But I still felt kinda sad and guilty. Coz Zhang Chunyu was so sadd she cried. At times like these I really wish I could stop being mean and sarcastic for like just one day, and be sweet and accomodating, so maybe I won't find being nice to her so difficult. But I'm not a nice person. I'm a ... mean girl. Muahahaha... (Mean girl laughs her evil laugh) Muahahahaha.... See. I'm so full of shit. I can't even type a serious post. Oh well. Sighh. But if I try to be nice to that whore... no sorry. Can't use that word. Like who would want to sleep with her? Must be out of their minds. See. I'm being mean again. Sighh. But really lor. If I try to be nice and talk to her, like even something simple like church or even if I happen to glance her way, she'll like be all over me the next second like she'll like put her f-ing face closer to mine and smile and whisper in my ear and she'll like start touchin me and puttin her arm around me and AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Omg!!! Like what a f-ing LOSER!!!! See. So I can't be nice to her. I mean it's like she loves me. Like she has a huge lesbian crush on me or something.

And we're havin celebration and orientation on Tuesday. I mean lke orientation. Now. The year is endin. -____-"Must remember to wear my coloured bra. Hmm. And I didn't see cel for like so long. Sighh. And me, le, jan and girlfriend are gonna watch ACS(I) choir concert. Jan keeps tryin to sell us $20 tickets. Wonder why ah. And le wants to wear uniform. -___-"But chenleheng... If we wear uniform we'll look like deprived St nicks girls lookin for ACS(I) guys. Whatever lor. And I'm going on a diet. Not because I'm fat but coz I have no more money to buy food. Sniffs. Ok. That's all.

long time no blog

2004-07-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

Hey. Sorry. Never blog for so long. And suddenly there's like nothin to say... Hmm. Ok. Yupp. Watched mean girls ONCE. ONCE only. Haha. Those who know what I'm talkin about shut up byotch. If you don't, you can ask me and if I truly like you I'll tell you. If I'm just pretendin to like you... well I'll just tell you anyway coz I have to pretend that I like you. Sighh. Being a girl is tough. And I have such horrible luck. One, we had oral today. The examiner was laughin at me coz I can't read properly. Fine. Two, I spent almost the WHOLE day with that fugly slut. You know if she didn't exist I won't have so much turmoil in my life. The world would be a much happier place. And three, I don't have any special talents, like I can't use my boobs to tell the weather. Sighh. And I think I'm turnin into a lesbian. Like janice. Not you janis but janice. From mean girls. I seem to have a crush on Regina George(le). haha. She's just like Regina. Not because she's a queen bitch but because she has moles on her face and she's pretty. just like Regina. :) And when I say "that's like soo fetch" she says "Stop tryin to make 'fetch' hapen coz it won't". Aha. Aha aha aha. Ok. Miss my badminton racket so much. Dunno what made me say that. Must be the sad song my sis is playin. "crazy for this gurl" by evan and jaron. So sadd. But my racket is not mine in the first place. sighh.

Why do I think about you
When you don't have a clue about me
Why do I dream about you
When I know it'll never be
Why do I look forward to seeing you
Who gave you such an important part
In the play of my life
In the story of my heart.

Doomed

2004-06-27T15:14:00.000+08:00

Doomed. I'm doomed. It's like I can see myself dyin. You know. The whole vultures circling my head thing ? Yeah. I just realised that school starts tomorrow... And I haven't done any homework yet. It won't really matter on Monday, coz it's like I'm practically havin a half day coz of choir concert. But what am i going to do on Tuesday? Hmmm... And I just remembered that I have TWO tests to sit for when school reopens. CHEMISTRY. Somebody save me, please. What's the other one? Oh yeah. CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!! Ok. Changed my mind. WILL SOMEBODY KILL ME?!?!!?!!

Can't wait for concert. It's gonna be real weird when it's over coz we like won't see the NY gals anymore. Gonna miss them, Especially Celine coz she's now oficially part of our clique. Just in case you are wondering. Our clique is now totally full with 13 people. A bit unlucky but... Oh well. We love you Celine!

And I have a new email add. The old one closed down coz I forgot it existed. It's now young_n_deranged@hotmail.com. Yupp. And to prove that I never change my anorexic ways, there's an alternate one. livin_da_anorexic_life@hotmail.com. I'm tryin to find out which one will close down first. Haha.

Ok. Better start on my homework.

P.S. Love you both Jan and Le.

alien invasion

2004-06-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

huh? Who the hell is "dfsgrtgrgrt"? Are you an alien? Cool! I love aliens.

Ok.Where was I?

2004-06-17T12:35:00.000+08:00

Ok. Back again. Sorry. Took so long. Anyway... yeah. Italy was great. But scary too. You have to virtually hug your bag so that no one will pickpocket you. And the worst thing is that you don't know who these people are. They don't have a certain look about them. They could be anyone. From old men to young boys.

Miss eating gelatos everyday. Miss the nice, cool weather. And you know what? I've already gone to Italy, right? I mean, DUH. But I still can't believe that I've gone. Sighh. Guess I wanna go again.

And I can proudly say that I've watched Harry Potter exactly two weeks ago. Haha. Harry Potter rawks!!!!! It took such hard work just to watch it, you know. First there was no suitable timing, then there was no tickets... but we did it in the end. And now I'm Harry (Haha. I'm so handsome), Jan's Hermione (Haha. Coz she's shorter than me and Le so we have to be the guys) and Le's Ron (Hahahahaha. She's as spastic as he is. But prettier.)

And combined choir rawks. Msec 1 rawks too. At first I was a bit unsure about havin Nelson Kwei as my conductor (coz he kinda shakes his butt when he conducts) but it turns out that he rawks. Too. Before he came we were like... beyond terrible. But then after he came we like improved tremendously. Really. And that's how I'm writin this now. Coz I don't have to go for combined choir prac since Nelson Kwei cancelled it. He said we didn't need it. But I kinda wish we did. It's really fun going for combined choir. Though we're almost always late.

Can't wait for choir prac on Fri. Can't wait for our choir concert. Though I like have to dance. I'm dancin in tortoises and in swans. Lilin choreographed swans. She's really multi-talented. She can sing and dance and lead. Yeah. Realised that we've become really close to a lot of the Nanyang girls. Especially Celine. Everyone agrees that she's like a St. Nicks girl in a Nanyang uniform.

And can I ask? Who has finished doing their homework? Wah Lau eh. Whose bright idea was it to cancel mid-years? It was brilliant. Till now. Coz we have SO MANY DARN TEST PAPERS TO DO!!!!! Sighh. Well at least I have Cody Banks to look forward too. Watchin Cody Banks 2 tonight. Great. Now i'm gonna be even more confused. Who do I like, Harry Potter, Achilles or Cody Banks?

sorrie to infinity

2004-06-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

Hey guys. Sorry. Never blog for so long. Not allowed to spend so much time on the com. Lotsa things to say. let's do this topic by topic.

First topic : Italy. Had the time of my life. Became even closer to my choir clique. If that is even possible. Anyway. Movin on. Italy is beautiful. Really beautiful. There are mountains. Real ones. With snow and everything. And the food is really great. though it gets boring after a while. And gelatos rock!!! Peeps, take my advice. Go to Italy.

Ok. Festival was ok. We made friends with an Italian choir. They sang fantastically. Really. Though Miss Lim didn't think so. Hmm. And it was FULL of cute guys. This is one of the reasons why you should go to Italy, people. Yeah. There were loads. Prince William. Puma guy. Stalker guy. Earring guy. Haha.

And the hotels were ok. Except the 2nd one. Ok. First. Our room is like in a corridor on its own. Second. There is no phone. Third. There is this locked door in our room which doesn't lead to another room. Then, a key is found in another room a few doors down that... opens the locked door. And inside... there's nothin but windows and this small wooden chair. Which no one dares to touch. Hmm. It's a miracle I survived 3 nights there.

And plane rides were, surprisingly, the most fun. Coz I got to sit with Jan and Le. Love you both to bits. And though Jan says she doesn't want food she still eats ours. Whatever, Jan. And Le is just spastic, though she looks real pretty when she sleeps. and on the last leg I sat with Panty. She's real lame and I'm real lame so we were just sayin lame things and makin each other laugh. Whatever, bethia, whatever. Sighh. I realised that I became close to a lot of people durin this trip. Bethia, and a lot of Sec 2s. Surprising how much they mean to me now.

Ok. Only have time for my first topic. Have to tell you peeps about harry potter, combined choir and choir prac another time. Till then. See ya.

Desires

2004-05-26T15:36:00.000+08:00

Ok. There was no more space. Where was I? Oh yeah. I'm kinda bummed that I'm missing American Idol and OC. Fantasia and Diana both rawk!!! Know you'll disagree, Jan, coz you hate Fantasia but who cares about you, Janis Wong? And chen leheng. You shouldn't have written "I feel sexually deprived lookin at your blog" on my tag board coz if you don't read properly it looks like "I feel sexually deprived". Hahahahahahaha. When I saw it I was like "huh"? Why is Le feeling sexually deprived? Haha. Ok. Gotta go now. Gonna miss you guys loads. Yupp. Give you a full update in 9 days. See ya!!!

leaving on a thai plane-

2004-05-26T15:17:00.000+08:00

Oh. My. God. I can't believe it.I'm leavin for Italy in like a few hours. I'm feelin all jumbled up inside right now. It's like I'm scared that I'll vomit on the plane, sad that I won't be seeing my friends ( beside choir peeps. Duh.) and my family and my bed for so long, and of course excited coz after all I'm going to Italy!!! As my "girlfriend" would say: yays. Sorry XinYi, Lala and Jeanette that I didn't cme today. Hope the debate went well. And I know you want to come with me charleen. Nvm. I can put you in my suitcase. Ok I can't.

And my grandpa gave me a hundred bucks to spend in Italy. Yay. But of course I'm gonna save it. CAN'T WAIT FOR HARRY POTTER!!! Daniel and Emma are so perfect for one another!!! Ok I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this but nowadays I kinda think that Ron and Hermione are ok together. But harry and Hermione still rawk more!!! Can't wait to watch the new movie (Make sure you catch it, everybody!!). I love you Harry!!! ( And I still love you Achilles)

untitled

2004-05-25T08:45:00.000+08:00

In the com lab now. Everyone is doing their blogs. Kinda amusing. And carrot has messed up my template while trying to insert a tagboard. Ok. Gotta go now.

loveachilles

2004-05-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

With my cuzzies. Love them. It's Jiqing jie jie's bdae today. Haha. Feel a lil' sad that retarded boy's not here. Ok there's nothing to write. On my left i have my pretty cousin. On my right i have my crazy but pretty =) cousin. Thinking about u Achilles.

who stole my sister, my bras and my humour?

2004-05-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

Where are you, chubbies? Sorry. That's what I call my sister. She's turning 13 this year but she'll forever be cute to me. *smiles* Love her to bits. She'll hate me for this. She hates me callin her 'chubbies'. And especially when I say I love her. Oh well. Wish I was out with Jan and Le.(I love them too. And Achilles!!And Harry Potter!!I love loads of people) But I can't go out. Then I won't have enough clothes and underwear to bring to Italy. Haha. Still remember when Betty (sorry bethia. Know you hate it), Sher and me were sayin that we could don't come to school on wed and when the teacher calls we can go "But I have no more bras!! I'm bringin everything to Italy!!" haha. Not funny.Ok. Gotta go do my homework. eeurgh.

Bored

2004-05-22T13:46:00.000+08:00

Sighh. It feels so weird. Being home on a Saturday. Normally I go out with my family or Jan and Le. *smiles* Sighh. Went to PPIS today. It's the last time we'll be going. (Thank you, Lord) I mean it's not like I hate community service or something. It's just that it's like in Lakeside. And I live in Ang Mo Kio. And the kids there are... They start scoldin you in Malay and they never listen. Yeah.

Pooty and Sara came too. And so did SHE. Honestly lor. She's like so ugly and she thinks she's chio. She's always givin that "act chio" smile that only chio people can get away with. You know. When you tilt your head to the side and smile sorta sweetly. Yeah. She looks damn disgusting when she does that. Eeurgh. And her mouth has to be XXXXL lor. And she said f**k to carrot. How DARE she bully my les partner?!

And why am I even talkin about her? She's unworthy of my mention. Hmph. Anyway, carrot and xuan got a job. Some surveyor thingy. Kinda envy them. Coz they'll be like gettin money. And it was so weird to hear mel say that she was going for cat class alone. Coz normally she'll go with sam. Can't believe sam left for china. For good. Feel kinda sad.

happy ramblings

2004-05-21T18:13:00.000+08:00

Ok. Finally found a new skin. Phew. That was difficult. now I just have to work out the rest of this stuff. Sighh. And while I was looking for skins I saw one with Jap animae that reminded me instantly of gubby. Sometimes I wish she would just take a hint and quit botherin us. I try to be nice to her sometimes (ignoring her is a form of niceness) but the minute she opens her deformed mouth my blood just boils. If she has nothing to say can't she just SHUT UP?! Nope. Not her. Just has to open her big mouth and talk rubbish. Can't stand her. Really.

And despite all my hard work and planning so that massive idiot won't sit next to me during concert, guess what? She's sittin next to me. sighh. Life sucks. And let me guess what's gonna happen later. My mom is gonna come home and scold me for no reason. Sighh. Did I mention that my life sucks? That's why I'm so thankful for my friends. My TRUE friends. Jan, Le, Sher, Bethia, ChuWen, SiYun, YiEn, Hanbin, Yen, Sumin and Xiang. Luv you all too much. Ok. I can't list the whole of 3P but... luv you all. Especially Char, Mel, Carrot, Xuan, YingQing, JieJie, Xin Yi, LaLa, Jeanette and Pooty. Luv you angels that brighten up my life.

Friday...AT LAST.

2004-05-21T16:20:00.000+08:00

Omg.Omg.Omg. I'm so glad it's the weekend. If i have to sit through another A.Maths lesson, I swear I'll throw my books at the blackboard. A.Maths kills.Really. And did I mention I haven't passed a SINGLE A.Maths test yet? It's so unfair. Sher got 18 and Jan got 22. And what did chen leheng get? FULL MARKS. AGAIN. And I failed by half a mark. AGAIN. Sighh. Yay. Italy's in five days!!! Can't wait. Though I know I'm gonna be airsick. And troy rawks!!! It's the best movie ever!!! (Besides Harry potter) I'll love you forever, Achilles. From the bottom of my heart.